There will come a time when Today’s Kids will grow up, leaving their pop cultural artifacts behind in the past, like Lindsay Lohan should do with her acting career. When that time comes, they will one day be forced to reproduce — out of ego, societal pressure or a future law mandating childbirth to repopulate a post-apocalyptic planet. As goes the oral pop culture tradition, they will have to explain to these Future Children what the past was like — a time when Carly Rae Jepsen desperately wanted any guy to call her (please, just someone call her already), Gotye wrote really bitchy emails to his ex-girlfriends, people were Gangnam Styling all over the place and Ke$ha was doing… whatever it is she does.
Children of the Future, this is our time capsule of 2012 — a postcard from the edge of Mayan doom. It was a scary world — where Amy Poehler and Will Arnett can just break up FOR NO REASON and we’re supposed to just move on — but we got through it. We survived.